Break
by phantomhive-yuuki
Summary: I’m seriously slacking-off right now, for three hours of non-stop reading and memorizing; my mind really needs a break. I may be a trained bookman, but I’m also human you know? And humans need rest! A journal story of Lavi.


**Break**

_I'm desperate for a break for myself from school, so this is why I wrote this. Don't worry for those who is reading my other fic __**First Love All Over Again**__, I'll be posting a new chapter soon._

_And as always, if you didn't like the story keep it to yourself, I know I suck at writing and such and I only did this because I am tired from studying!_

_**P.S.:**_

_I kind of made my own version/ theory about the bookmans, I was suppose to make this one AU but decided to stick with the DGM universe. So please don't kill me for doing that.. DX_

_**Disclaimer: **__I own nothing sad to say…. –wishing that I own Allen-_

* * *

Head ache.

God how I hate this feeling, seriously I mean, try reading a 2,000 paged book and memorize it all within three hours, and try telling me about agonizing pain. For three hours, I have done nothing but reading this super thick book; that I have to memorize every detail, every word, even punctuations and after this I have to write a summarization of it, and take note it has to be detailed, DETAILED!

The library; which I've been in for the last three hours, I consider this as my home, not second home but as in home; home, why? Simple, as of my calculations for the past eighteen years of my life I have spend almost 85% of my life inside this room of knowledge; ah what the heck! To be honest I'll really call this library a room of knowledge and torture, I do love books it is just that my mentor; Bookman, is an old-panda man who is all so serious every second. He considers books as a literature which in every words and sentences contains secrets that only the author knows about, and as his apprentice; because I'll be taking over his position as the family head; have to know almost everything the history's secrets.

Yeah, yeah laugh, I know I'm WAY too young to be a clan head but I'm the only one that the old-panda trusts and I don't want that trust to shatter. Besides, I'm the only one that had the most formal training of a bookman and I know one thing that the rest of the clan member doesn't know about. And it is an absolute secret.

Okay, I kept ranting about the _bookman clan_ for a while now and I haven't even explained all about us, how rude of me. The bookman clan; is a group of people not really related by blood but by the dedication to history, gather up as a clan. And for the past 100 years, our clan have been stable, but still poor in population, but it has not stopped us from continue doing what we are destined to do.

Sorry I guess this is just all of the information I could give, panda is really prohibiting information leaking outside of clan members. But what the heck, this is just a journal so what's restricting me? Ah well this is a way to let out my stress from every day non-stop work, so I better let out all I can let out before the old-panda catches me slaking off.

I'm seriously slacking-off right now, for three hours of non-stop reading and memorizing; my mind really needs a break. I may be a trained bookman, but I'm also human you know? And humans need rest!

Okay, okay now back to my situation here right at this very moment, let me describe to you what I see: from where I am sitting about a six step walk is a ceiling high bookshelves, as I can remember that section contains the novels, then when I turn my head to the right I see this unimaginably huge stained glass window, it's design is somewhat like a collage but it shows no specific object or person just a collage of random colour but it somewhat doesn't affect the lighting of the library. To my left, is empty tables, I estimate about 14 empty tables then beside the 14th table is the exit, I'm seating at the farthest table from the door but nearest the stained glass window, to make it simple I'm seating at the corner part of the library.

At the table I'm sitting on, there are about ten books equally divided to two stacks; one stack per side, and the book that I'm reading is in the middle of the two stacks, underneath it are blank pieces of papers, that I'm suppose to write on with the summarization crap. But I seemed to have used a page of those papers for writing this, I'm practically writing on it now.

Hm, I guess I better give a bit of insights of my life as an exorcist right?

How should I start? I guess I'll just say that it's really tiring. Tiring because of the lies that I have to say in order for my cover not to be revealed, the only reason that the old man and I joined the order is to record the war about the Millennium Earl.

You know I found it so weird, that an innocence chose me to be its host, and I have no intention to be a servant of god in the first place. Is it faith or coincidence? I have no idea.

Friends?

I guess I did have friends before but now was different, the feeling, the attachment feels different from before, it is as if the friends I have now is a treasure that I have found and I have no intention of letting go. And that is bad, as a bookman no attachment is allowed, whether it be love or affection, friendship or giving importance, no; a bookman must have a stone heart, so in the end he would have no regrets. But I think I'm breaking that golden rule right now.

Now I'll be really really honest with you, I kind of, you know, like somebody. And the worst part is that she is my comrade, she is part of this war, and even if she were a total stranger or just any other normal citizen I still can't love her.

And just recently, I saw her holding hands with my so-called best friend, and it really broke my heart. Okay even a guy feels this sometimes, and I'm proud of being an emotional guy because I believe that no human is unemotional, even the dreaded Kanda Yuu.

So who is the girl I'm talking about anyway?

She's chief Komui's sister, Lenalee Lee, the girl that I never have thought to grow feelings for. Even just a smile from her is enough to melt me from head to foot. Her features are almost perfect, even her personality though she shows a lot of her week sides, I practically reprimand her to always stay strong and never give up no matter what.

The guy she was holding hands with, the guy I consider as my best friend; the destroyer of time, Allen Walker. It was shocking news for me to hear that the two of them have been dating for a while; I knew Allen had liked Lenalee way before but I never thought that he would make a move.

I should be happy for them but somehow my heart doesn't seem to agree. Have I loved Lenalee to the extent that I don't want to let go of her? No, I mustn't or else I'll suffer in the end.

* * *

_This is a little break for me too, just like Lavi I'm writing too to relieve my brain from the studying crap I have been doing for a while now._

_This is the first time I have wrote a story with Lavi's POV, I know it's really boring, you don't need to tell me but I just wrote this to relieve stress and maybe some of you (I hope) would like this too._

_Thank you for reading this~ _


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